What They Didn't Tell You: 25k Champs

No formalities this week: straight ahead to What They Didn't Tell You...

I was totally remiss on Friday for not telling you all that it was a certain someone's birthday. No, no, not mine: ben's. 24 years old, and he still looks as good as ever. The highlight of the evening was his "dead-eye" performance in beer pong (called Beirut by idiots everywhere), where he rode my coattails, and hot-shooting all evening. By the third game he was trying to bounce-in every shot, shouting "It's my birthday, biotch!" after each miss.

Brian Sell won the USATF 25k Champs at the 5/3d River Band Run in Grand Rapids. No AR, no exciting stretch run... but he DID beat a guy named Wellay Weldegiyorgis. Just like a good, 'Merican, working man should.

Some guy named Travis Padgett ran 9.96 for the 100m dash at the Orange & Purple Classic, which makes him 2nd fastest in the world this year. What they didn't tell you was that apparently you can just start slapping the word "Classic" on the end of any old meet now. Because let me tell you: nothing combining the colors orange and purple should ever be considered "classic."

Andrew Wheating ran 3:38 for 1500m at the Oregon Twilight Meet, impressive considering he played soccer throughout high school. What they didn't tell you was that this (retroactively) makes Wheating the first case where a runner has said "There's this kid in my school, but he plays soccer, but he's really really fast, and I'm telling you, he could be one of the best runners in the state if he just came out for track..." and it actually panned out.

As you all know, Barack Obama showed up at the meet. But what went unreported was that, in an embarassing gaffe, he was repeatedly offered fried chicken by meet volunteers: apparently the Eugene08 diversity training hadn't yet finished the unit covering "Black People Like Foods Other than Fried Chicken."

It was a full weekend for the Ritzenheins with Baby getting baptized, Mrs. racing the 25k at the 5/3 Run, and Grandmother celebrated her 94th Birthday! All agreed that the high point of the weekend was Grandma Ritzenhein trying to bounce-in each pass on the doily she was crocheting, while shouting "It's my birthday, biotch!"