What They Didn't Tell You: Memorial Day

I must say, I feasted like a king this past weekend, eating the bounty of our great land, grilled deliciously over a blaze stoked by tree branches, small shrubs and probably some rare, exotic, disease-curing plants... to me, that's what Memorial Day is all about. But for some people, it was about trying to run fast. So here ya go: what they didn't tell you about this past Memorial Day weekend...

Of the US distance crew that was announced to compete at Hengelo, only Matt Tegenkamp made it to the starting line. But while Teg flew over, the rest of them apparently had tried to get there by chartering a boat and had the misfortune of ending up like this...

The 1st 11 positions in the Women's 5k were shared exclusively between Kenyans and Ethiopians. What they didn't tell the Hengelo organizers is that THIS IS WHY AMERICANS FIND DISTANCE RUNNING BORING.

Also over in Finland, or Denmark, or wherever Hengelo is, some chick ran 1:55 for the 800m. And that's pretty fast. For a high-school-aged male.

Nick McCormick of Pretty Good Britain clocked a 14:11 in the 5k, good for 18th & last place. What they didn't tell you, though, is that the British press neglected to hound him mercilessly for training hard and trying his best and refusing to give up on his Olympic dream after a single setback.

At Bolder Boulder the US Men took 6th. But, at least they had a kick-ass time hanging out at Fight Club where the Brothers Torres proudly showcased their awesome DVD collection!

In the Men's Shot Put at Hengelo, 7th place went to a guy who's last name is "van der Donk." What they didn't tell you is that I'm officially changing my name to van der Donk. It's fun for the whole family, each and every time you say it. And it's FREE! Try it: van der Donk. van der Donk. van der Donk.