Friday, May 23, 2008

Fearless Predictions: I Still Got Room for another Burger Memorial Weekend Edition

Less Than Our Best is concerned with very little. One of those few interests is old, shirtless men jumping onto beer pong tables wearing what appears to be only his underwear.. The other is acting like we have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:

This weekend is marked by a startling lack of American action despite it being the most memoriable of all American weekends. All of our track stars must be busy deciding between all-beef franks and turkey dogs. (Don't let the wifey get to you Adam, you don't need to watch your weight, throw a spoonful of chili on that third frank.) There are still some good foot races going on, though, so take a second to see what will happen, then proceed filling the cooler with Miller Lites.

1) Bolder Boulder
When I heard Ryan Hall was running the Bolder Boulder 10k this weekend, I was all "wasn't the London marathon just a couple weeks ago?" And then I was all, "but haven't I been drinking liquid quaalude for the last several weeks?"

In fact, it has been a whole 6 weeks since London. And only a month since Deena Kastor's marathon trials victory (but let's face it, she was hardly trying). Is that enough recovery? Should they be starting up again so soon? At this point, I would trust Coach Mahon no matter what they decided was best for Ryan and Deena. Unless they entered the "crowbar to the shins" contest that Hudson and Ritzenhein have been putting on up in Eugene lately.

Prediction: Hall and Deena both win in a close one with two yet-to-be-named non-Americans. Chants of U-S-A can be heard by a scant few throughout the streets of Boulder because Boulder is full of granola eating hippies who are "against the war" and , thus, against Amurica. Here's a question for the Boulder hippies: If we never had a war, what would happen to Memorial day? Answer: It wouldn't exist. Do you really want to rob all those shirtless men from hours of horseshoes and the women of their famous potato salad recipes (one part potato, seven parts mayonnaise, who came up with this shit?). Some people can be so jealous

2) Hengelo
When was the last time Haile Gebrsellassie ran with anyone within a minute of his PR? Long time ago, right? He is the fourth best marathoner in the world right now (uh-huh I said it, he would have been third in London and second in Boston, no doubt) and probably the 15th best 10k runner, so don't expect too much out of him.

Prediction: Once Haile remembers that he doesn't have an army of pacers surrounding him when he races on the track like he does when he races time trials marathons, he will drop out and never touch the track again. Seleshi Sihine will win in 26:59.

Prediction: Kenenisa Bekele. Will dominate. As. Always. 12:58.

3) NCAA Div. II National Championships
Scotty Bauhs is not only a great runner (27:48), or a great name (if you say it fast it sounds like scotty balls), or a guy with a great near-beard. He's ALL THREE! And, he's running the 5k this weekend.

Prediction: He kills everyone, LITERALLY, becomes D2 champion and goes on to finish 5th in the 10k at the trials.

4) Drugs
Usually you will never read about drugs on LTOB unless it is in reference to one of our epic "How many LTOB blog posts can you write after downing an entire bottle of NyQuil" contests (Jeremy's posted 7, I'm way behind at 5 as my best). We're not too concerned with performance enhancing drugs, that's what these guys are for.

However, in recent news, Justin Gatlin wired his phone to record conversations with Trevor Graham in an attempt to win favor with the Court of Arbitration in Sport and possible still run in the Beijing Olympics.

Prediction: Justin Gatlin will not get his suspension shortened and will not be able to run in the Beijing Olympics. After hearing the news, he goes on an all-night bender with Bunk and McNulty that ends with the three of them singing "Danny Boy" together while throwing empty bottles off a bridge in downtown Baltimore.

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