LessThanOurTweets

Monday, February 25, 2008

What They Didn't Tell You: Feb. 25th

I know there were some other things going on in track and field this weekend, but the gaze of our site and of our nation, were fixed squarely on Roxbury Community College, illustrious site of the USATF Indoor Track Championships. What they didn't tell you about the weekend, after the jump...

To be filed under, specifically, "Things ESPN didn't tell you" -- that there was a Men's 3k championship contested, never mind that it featured the #4 5k runner in the world, and saw the victor and both world team spots decided by mere seconds.

The consolation prize for just missing out on the free trip to Valencia by placing 3rd was $500, a handsome certificate stating that you are the 3rd best in your discipline in all of America, and a no-expenses-paid trip to Boston that probably cost you well over $500 to begin with.

Contrary to what their affable, back-porch rapport might have you think, Larry Rawson and Dwight Stones actually are mortal enemies and their blood feud finally boiled over Sunday evening, as they engaged in vicious slap fights during each commercial break. Stop it! No you stop it! No you stop it! I'm telling the producer! No I'm telling!

Prior to proving it with a lackluster performance, Adam Nelson publicly denied using any illegal chicken supplements.

Speaking of the throwers, you may have heard about the flap between Christian Cantwell and Reese Hoffa, in which Hoffa declined Cantwell's invitation to "Help out a brother, dude" by bringing one of Hoffa's own implements along for Cantwell to use. The reports, however, neglect to explain that the "128 indoor" to which Cantwell refers, is actually a code word for a massive, massive cock ring.

Those big Visa Championship Series novelty gift cards are actually just props. In truth, no money is awarded to any athletes and Lolo Jones' display of joy was actually prompted by a sudden pinch in the rear from a trackside admirer.

What the Visa Championship Series is, how it's scored or why it matters.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i love this/