Thursday, February 28, 2008

Indoor Conference Weekend: Where's the Buffet?

One of our favorite Mark Wetmore metaphors goes like this: "Track and field is Carnegie Hall; indoor track is Las Vegas, and cross country is Woodstock." I never really believed that until I woke up naked in a puddle of mud after the Toledo Cross Country Invitational. Jeremy never believed it until he woke up naked playing a violin the morning after the IC4A meet. Wetmore: coach, prophet.

We also really like Las Vegas because, just like indoor track, whatever happens there, stays there (read: is forgotten in a few months). After the jump, getting to know your indoor conference meets like you know your favorite things you find only in Vegas.

SEC Championships
Like the conservative southern tourists that have finally found an excuse to see a group of very flexible men embrace each other.

***SEC distance events are spectacularly unspectacular this year with no real stars to watch.

***Could Coach McDonnel’s comments about his nancy-boy DMR break the team spirit and lead to a disastrous weekend for the ‘backs? I don’t know, but I’m sure they will be serving sweet tea at the concession stands, so that’s good.

MAC Championships
Like the 7am crowd at the craps table. Yeah, a lot of the players have left (western mich., ball st., ohio, etc.) but you know that the ones left are the most hardcore players out there. The kind that will put their first born up against two jacks (I’m looking at you Coach Lawson) or the kind that will create a 7th year of eligibility for their runners (I’m looking at no one in particular...)

***Go Flashes!

***Hopefully it comes down to the final event and someone streams that shit live. The MAC indoor 4x4 is the most exciting 3 minutes in sport. There, I said it.

Big Ten Championships
Like a Neil Diamond concert at the MGM Grand Casino. Tough. Gritty. Forever in blue jeans.

***Distance races are always slow as balls but sound exciting when reading accounts of them on the message boards. That reminds me, gotta order that Big Ten Network on the satellite.

Big 12 Championships
Like the bachelorette party hogging all the time on the mechanical Bull. No one knows where this party is headed but something unexpectedly good always pops up. If you play your cards right, there’s definite hook-up possibilities.

***Texas. Manzano. DMR. World Record. You heard it here first, I like this Texas team, I think they got some real skill. Certainly the best indoor distance team in the nation.

***Downside: meet is in Nebraska Try the corn, I hear it’s delicious over there.

Heptagonal Championships
Like the uptight businessmen at a conference. They’re usually all business, but nothing's gonna stop them from having a good time in the city of sin on the company’s dime. Hey Grayson, your stripper needs more high priced champagne? Sure, it’s on the boss’ dime. Puff puff pass, Thompson, puff puff PASS!"

***I don’t know anything about this conference, only the stereotypes that I perpetuate for people who are smarter, more successful, and richer than me.

***Apparently this meet is a big deal to them.


The Track & Field Superfan said...

On the mark as always. I ran in the MAC, and I've been at the blackjack table at 4 am. I never realized there was a connection.

kimberly said...

Great post!