Monday, March 10, 2008

LTOB Guest Editorial

Less Than Our Best is dedicated to providing the most relevant, intelligent coverage and discussion of the world of running that we care about. Many times our small voice in our small corner of the world is just not sufficient and we are forced to bring in guests from the world of running who have a unique insight or experience. This is one of those times.

Today our guest editorializer is:

The Tree That Hit Brian Sell at the 15k US Champs

First of all, my name is Bradley and I would have appreciated it if the LTOB guys would have taken the time to find that out. Real crack team of journalists these guys are.

Anyway, they are the only ones who would let me tell my side of the story, so I had to go with them. Letsrun laughed in my face. Trackshark sent me a polite no. Even Flotrack declined, and they put ANYTHING and EVERYTHING up on that damn site.

So here's what happened. I'm chillin' on the side of the road. Beautiful day, a little windy, but beautiful. I'm just standing around, minding my own's when this Brian Sell character is all "look at me! I'm running! I have a handlebar mustache and a humble disposition."

So I'm all "if you're so humble why're you trying to win this race. Why'ren't you letting other people win?"

And he fires back "'cause I work harder than them. I work at Home Depot bitch! You know what that means?"

Me: "Chyeah, I do. It means you're too busy texting on your Sidekick to help me find some fucking blue paint for my garage."

He: "Oh Yeah? I'll side kick your ass"

And he did. Kicked me right in my side by the hole where a raccoon family lives (luckily they were out to brunch at the time so no one was hurt).

At this point in the altercation I am, I think justifiably, pissed. So I decide to smack him. It wasn't even a "hit" really, so for someone to ask "did Brian Sell get hit by a tree?" is just crazy. I gave him a quick back hand slap that would barely hurt a fly. Hardly touched him really. And, of course, no one saw me get kicked, they just saw my (justified) retaliation.

Of course Brian "the baby" Sell sees an opportunity to ham it up for the media, again. He blows things all out of proportion by crying about it to anyone who would listen and, as a result, make ME look like the bad guy. Everybody keeps coming up to me saying "Bradley, why'd you hit that guy?" and " Bradley, I can't believe you hit that guy." and "Bradley. Hit guy. Why?" You can guess how mad it makes a tree when people are constantly asking you why you hit some guy.

So, you can believe me or not running public. I swear I didn't try to "hit" your precious running dandy, just teach him a little respect. It never would have happened if he wasn't being such a jerk and if he didn't kick me first. And it never would have been a story if Brian took it like a man. If you ask me, you runners need to toughen up a bit, or at least Brian needs to.

1 comment:

Jesse said...

It's funny that your tree looks exactly like Treebeard from the LOTR movies. I'll be contacting Peter Jackson ASAP about this infringement.