And You Wonder Why You Ended Up a Masseuse...

There are some people whose children you just feel compelled to pray for. Then there are those children who you know stand no chance, no matter how direct the line from your red telephone to He Is Who Is. As more news emerges regarding Heath Ledger's death, we learn that any offspring of Diana Wolozin -- better known as The Masseuse -- are surely among those doomed:

Wolozin told police that Ledger was cold to the touch, but that she assumed he was just unconscious. She grabbed his cell phone and called Mary Kate Olsen, whose number was programmed into the phone. Wolozin knew that the "Full House" star and Ledger were friends, and she asked Olsen for advice on what she should do next.

My god. If MK didn't pick up, what was Plan B? Calling Kate Moss for advice? Simply tying her shoelaces must be a daily battle for this woman, without someone there for guidance.