Fearless Predictions: NYC Half Edition

Less Than Our Best is concerned with very little. One of those few interests is pretending to give a shit about the election. The other is acting like I have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:


Aviva London Grand Prix

Men's 1 Mile
Alan Webb is on the starting list, just like last week in France. Fool me once, Alan, shame on you. Fool me twice and I will send someone to your house to beat you with the rusty bottom of my Zoom Milers (j/k?).

With or without Webb, the London Mile is chock full of milers NOT from Africa. Baddeley, East, Sullivan, Mottram, Lukezic, and Webb. That's one pale, poor dancing group of guys headed to the start line.

Lagat will win followed by Mottram, Korir, then Webb (I still believe), Sullivan, and Baddeley. Those six will all run between 3:49 and 3:51.

Men's 3000 meters
A random smattering of runners make up this field. As always, Alistair Cragg will start out bravely with the leaders and slowly fade over the last 600 meters. One of these days the guy is going to hold on, today is not that day. Ed Moran, fresh off his front row seat to watch Jorge Torres make the Olympic team, can stake his claim at US distance running A-list status if he can hang with the pack in this race. 7:42 will do well to get Moran mentioned closer to your Rupps and your Torreses and farther from your Carneys and your Rohatinsky's. Sean Quigley and Tim Nelson, solid c-listers, get some valuable "European experience" (read: prostitutes picked up in Piccadilly circus after the race).

New York City Half Marathon

Three Truths: Dathan Ritzenhein is still supposed to start. Patrick Makau is going to win. Adam Goucher will be there, which means so will Kara Goucher (hopefully) which means More "The Gouchers" news for LTOB!

Makau will take it out super fast, like he did at the Healthy Kidney, and it will quickly turn into a race for second. Ritzenhein has run two of his three best American soil races in NYC, becoming the Healthy Kidney 10k record holder and getting 2nd at the Marathon Trials (the third was his domination at US Cross this past winter). He will be second in 1:01:20. An amazing feat over guys like Limo, Kipsang, and Ramaala. It will be one of the finest US distance performances of the year, way to go Ritz!

Second best American honors will go to Fernando Cabada followed by Fasil Bizuneh. Adam Goucher will come home in 30th place in 1:06 with a huge smile after hearing one of the spectators yell "you're ALL winners" at mile 10 and getting confused.

Somewhere a bit later in the pack, your humble narrator will flail his way to the finish in what Mary Wittenberg will call the "fuckin' ballsiest race ever run on the streets of this city." Thanks Mary, but I don't do it for the accolades.

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Ritz, Others Racing in NYC Half

Once again, Dathan Ritzenhein has made a bold promise to compete in a road race. This one: NYC Half on July 27.

All signs point to Ritz at least starting this time as he did start and finish the Olympic Trials 10k less than a week ago. Plus, according to the NYRR release, the race is going to be his "final tune-up" before Beijing. So, the whole "precautionary measure because I felt a twinge in my left/right ______ last week" thing is less likely to hold him back when faced with the alternative of going into China rusty. Although, he went into the marathon trials rusty, so...

Also in the men's race will be US half marathon champ James Carney, perpetual close-to-the-fronter Fasil Bizuneh, and youtube G Fernando Cabada (1,800+ views of him just driving his car? Am I missing something?)

Not only that, but yours truly will be on the line ready to pant and complain over 13.1 miles of regret in the debut of the LTOB "Racing" Club. Get your tickets early folks.

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What They Didn't Tell You: 25k Champs

No formalities this week: straight ahead to What They Didn't Tell You...

I was totally remiss on Friday for not telling you all that it was a certain someone's birthday. No, no, not mine: ben's. 24 years old, and he still looks as good as ever. The highlight of the evening was his "dead-eye" performance in beer pong (called Beirut by idiots everywhere), where he rode my coattails, and hot-shooting all evening. By the third game he was trying to bounce-in every shot, shouting "It's my birthday, biotch!" after each miss.

Brian Sell won the USATF 25k Champs at the 5/3d River Band Run in Grand Rapids. No AR, no exciting stretch run... but he DID beat a guy named Wellay Weldegiyorgis. Just like a good, 'Merican, working man should.

Some guy named Travis Padgett ran 9.96 for the 100m dash at the Orange & Purple Classic, which makes him 2nd fastest in the world this year. What they didn't tell you was that apparently you can just start slapping the word "Classic" on the end of any old meet now. Because let me tell you: nothing combining the colors orange and purple should ever be considered "classic."

Andrew Wheating ran 3:38 for 1500m at the Oregon Twilight Meet, impressive considering he played soccer throughout high school. What they didn't tell you was that this (retroactively) makes Wheating the first case where a runner has said "There's this kid in my school, but he plays soccer, but he's really really fast, and I'm telling you, he could be one of the best runners in the state if he just came out for track..." and it actually panned out.

As you all know, Barack Obama showed up at the meet. But what went unreported was that, in an embarassing gaffe, he was repeatedly offered fried chicken by meet volunteers: apparently the Eugene08 diversity training hadn't yet finished the unit covering "Black People Like Foods Other than Fried Chicken."

It was a full weekend for the Ritzenheins with Baby getting baptized, Mrs. racing the 25k at the 5/3 Run, and Grandmother celebrated her 94th Birthday! All agreed that the high point of the weekend was Grandma Ritzenhein trying to bounce-in each pass on the doily she was crocheting, while shouting "It's my birthday, biotch!"

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Checking In With Some Familiar Faces

A lot has been happening to some of our former subjects recently, so let's take a moment to catch up, shall we?

1. Reid Coolsaet - Though battling through an injury, Coolsaet recently announced that his club Speed River TC, is now sponsored by New Balance. In a related story, our blog - and our apartment - is still sponsored by our parents.

2. Nery Brenes - Nery tore shit up at the Jamaica International event (where Usain Bolt ran 9.76), taking 2nd in the 400 in 45.78. The Costa Rican speedster apparently ran so fast that negligient/lazybones LTOB International correspondent Jake Krong still hasn't seen him.

3. Our Crack Legal Team - At this moment, they are savoring a free catered lunch, featuring what was described in the brochure as a "resplendent spread of snack crackers and gourmet spreadable cheeses." The reason? It's to reward -- in light of recent news -- their crack legal advice regarding what we should and shouldn't write regarding to Ritz in the Kidney.

I've had my pants sued back on enough times to know when those guys deserve a free lunch, and today was that day... free lunch.... provided by yours truly.... sponsored, by our parents.

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Ritz Out of Healthy Kidneys

OMG!!

Everyone, I just read that Dathan Ritzenhein is out of healthy kidneys. How did he use them up so fast, he's still 20-something? Does he think they just grow on trees? Surely, someone will help him. Someone out there must be able to give up one of their two healthy kidneys to help him out, he is the future of American distance running after all!

...

Wait a second...

...

As it turns out, folks, Ritzenhein is not out of healthy kidneys, he is just not running in the Healthy Kidney 10k next weekend in central park. Well, I guess that really puts things in perspective, huh?

The race is still for a good cause and LTOB favorites Andrew Carlson and Richard Kiplagat are still racing, so Saturday's race will still be an exciting one.

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Ritzenhein ALLEGEDLY Racing Healthy Kidney 10k

Apparently, it has been asserted that Dathan Ritzenhein will allegedly be racing in Central Park for the Healthy Kidney 10k on May 17. (the crack staff of LTOB lawyers have required we use such noncommital language whenever dealing with this sort of "news item." We got into some real trouble leading up to the 8k championships field that eventually dropped from "a whale of a field" to "a bloated sea lion of a field" in, like, a few hours.)

Joining him will be that Brazilian guy who came out of nowhere to win the NYC marathon in 2006 and the guy who won the last IAAF world half marathon championship. Yes, I've been told they allegedly have names too: Marilson Gomes dos Santos and Patrick Makau of Kenya.

Also, and perhaps most interestingly, Andrew Carlson ("AC" to his friends and the guy who writes the bib numbers) will be prowling the roads once again after his super impressive 1st and 2nd place finishes on back to back weekends in the USATF 15k and 8k championships. We are very curious how he will do against what will probably be a fast pace in what might be called a "second-tier" international field. That's fair right?

I wonder what his plan will be for the race. Oh, yeh: PAIN.

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Ritz Out of 8k; Wittenberg Has Plan

It came out yesterday afternoon that Olympian Dathan Ritzenhein has decided to drop out of the USA 8k Championships this weekend citing a sore IT Band. He will also sit out the much anticipated IAAF World Cross Country Championships later in the month.

This news comes in the wake of Mary Wittenberg and the NYRR announcing a star studded field for the annual Central Park-held 8k including Alan Webb, Shalene Flannagan, Jorge Torres, and many others.

At one point, road stud Abdi Abdirahman was on board too but ended up being the first star to withdraw from the race. Just a few short weeks ago, it was the best non-marathon American road race of the year.

All of that went out the window yesterday when Ritzenhein made the announcement from his anti-gravity, anti-pollen, anti-sunlight, anti-hyperbaric chamber in what can only be assumed to be Eugene, Oregon, or the moon.

With the high profile race field significantly diminished, one would assume the NYRR CEO would be a bit down and out. Not so. Apparently she has a plan.

Normally, Mary Wittenberg limits her powers to assembling strong road race fields, but it was reported earlier today that she has decided to actually heal Dathan Ritzenhein's actual IT band.

"Certainly, I wouldn't do this under almost any other circumstance," said Wittenberg on a conference call Tuesday night, "but it's Ritz vs. Webb, baby! This shit is gonna be sick!"

So no need to fret race fans. We are in good hands. Good, solid, healing, German hands.

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Rogue Spear, Indeed

There are now hundreds of adult film starlets that moonlight as devoted fans of track and field and subscribe to ESPN The Magazine who are desperately hoping that Breaux Greer quits his day job. Well, maybe there are at least two or three. Or none. Regardless:

[...] The native of Monroe, La., wants you to know that he has a plan in place if he fails to qualify at the trials in July. "I think I'll do porn," he says in a deep, gravelly, Cajun accent. "That's something I know I do well."

Oh my. Above, you can see a publicity still from a homemade audition tape Greer made. (See the camera man?) After that demonstration of the wide range of facial expressions in his repertoire, Greer turned to the camera and growled "You've just been speared."

When reached for comment, a former lover of America's javelin wonderboy DID attest to the fact that Greer, er, "reached completion" with complete regularity only after, ahem, "removing himself." So I guess he IS cut right out for that line of work.

Ultimately though, that quote gets me thinking -- what would make for a good Plan B for some other running pros? I took my best guess, should any of the following fall on hard times with their running:

• Matt Tegenkamp............... Fitness Video Guru
• Abdi Abdirahim............... Car Dealer
• Anthony Famiglietti............... NYC Bus Tour Guide
• Bolota Asmerom............... Speedsuit Model
• Bernard Lagat............... Shaft 2.0
• Xavier Carter............... Trampoline Artist
• Ryan & Sara Hall............... Barney and Betty Rubble
• Dan Lincoln............... Scientist (Duh)
• Amy Acuff............... REDACTED
• Lolo Jones............... REDACTED
• Katie McGregor............... Professional Ginger
• Brie Felnagle............... REDACTED
• Craig Mottram............... Urologist (Duh)
• Dathan Ritzenhein............... Med School Test Dummy
• Walter Dix............... [ snickers ]

Who says there isn't life after track?

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Bekele d. Ritz, some other guys

Bekele squeaked out a win in Edinburgh over defending World Cross champ Tadesse, and Eliud Kipchoge. Ritz was 5th, having gone out with the lead pack, fallen off and then worked his way back into contact before the final bit of racing. Solid result for him: a little over 10 seconds back in a 9300m race... but hardly the kind of race that makes one think he can hang at World Cross when there are full squads from Ethiopia, Kenya, Eritrea, Tanzania, etc, etc. etc. I would love to see him crack the Top 10 on the senior level some day, but more and more I wonder if it will happen, regardless of whether he can stay healthy.

As an aside, Bekele's facade of cross country invincibility has taken a serious blow, of late - even this defeat of top foes lacks the effortless dominance he used to display. Last year he was tops in the same trio here, with a 10-second gap on 2nd place... and Tadesse still took home the serious hardware in March...

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Trials Weekend Hangover

Monday morning found me nursing all the usual symptoms of a crazy weekend: dizziness, nausea, pangs of regret, and waking up in bed with someone unfamiliar and threatening.

Looking back on this most eagerly anticipated weekend in recent memory, I am struck by how pleased I am with how it went. In this crazy mixed up world, events rarely live up to expectations (see: new year's eve, class reunions, Blades of Glory) but this weekend came about as close as possible.

First off, I dare someone to complain about how the trials, as an event, was executed. That unfamiliar and threatening stranger that I climbed into bed with this weekend is the New York Road Runners and, while guilt is inevitable when starting things up with such an oft-maligned partner, they proved to me this weekend that they are willing to work hard to please me.

The trials was everything the NYRR proposed it could be and they pulled it off as gracefully and excitingly as possible. Mary Wittenberg served up her famous kool-aid and I gulped it down (mmm...lemon lime).

That said, I certainly was cursing them when I peeled myself out of bed at 6:30 in the morning. As many of you know, a 7:30am start is not conducive to a Friday night house party that degenerates into a sloppy game of flip cup and a Beastie Boys dance party (You can sing along too! Just shout the last word in every line).

While I know that many in the running community may not share my viewpoint, and it may not even be logistically possible what with the lack of daylight and all, but I would much rather have had a 7:30pm start. With which, we would be able to tailgate, generate excitement through the sharing of spirits (which would lead to us shouting all sorts of fun things as the race progressed), and go straight to the bars afterward for a night full of new regrets, failed hook-ups, and a certain conviction to get our asses training to make the next trials. But I digress.

The top three result of the trials was about as rewarding as the event execution itself. One thing a distance runner will always cherish, if not the occassional whistle heard while running from a purty girl (or guy, I'm not judging), is hope. Hope that the next run/race/season/year will bring better results. With that in mind, Hall and Ritz going one two, being 25 and 24 respectively, is about the best an American distance fan can hope for. I thought for sure Abdi would be in the top 3, but Sell going is just as well (mainly because Hanson's deserves the congratulations and the press, and 'ol handlebars deserves it because of his hard work and blah blah blah).

It is hard to picture a trials being pulled off as well as this one. While I will be at the next one as a runner (I went out to the bars afterward and made some convictions despite the early start), I hope other organizations will hold themselves to the standard that my new bedmate set this past weekend.

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