Friday, August 8, 2008

Opening Ceremonies Drinking Game

So, no doubt you are as completely over-saturated by excited for the Olympics as we are. What better way to celebrate their commencement, than to punish your liver with a drinking game? Find the rules, after the jump.

And remember, the beauty of the drinking game is that, no matter what, you will win -- and you won't have to dedicate your entire life to the pursuit of it. Though, at 270 minutes, watching this telecast will certainly feel that way.

A new country enters the stadium - take 1 drink
New batch of fireworks set-off - 1 drink
Exterior shot of the Birds Nest - 1 drink
Shot of the Great Wall - 1 drink
Bob Costas appears on-screen - 1 drink
Commercial pimping The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - 1 drink
Commercial pimping Season 2 of Heroes - 1 drink
Broadcaster mentions Michael Phelps - 1 drink, poke self in eye
Broadcaster mentions heat, humidity, or pollution/smog and potentially adverse effects on competition - vomit, take 1 drink after clean-up

Exterior shot of The Cube (Aquatics Center) - take 2 drinks
Close-up of athlete with camcorder - 2 drinks
Close-up of Chinese administrator and/or high ranking political figure - 2 drinks
Discussion of US' inability to adhere to the basic rules of basketball win International basketball medal - 2 drinks
Performers perform any sort of Cirque du Soleil-style acrobatics - 2 drinks
Inappropriate racial/cultural generaliztion crosses your mind - take 2 drinks, chuckle to self
Bob Costas says "Ni Hao" - 2 drinks
Feature/mention/close-up of breathing masks offered by foreign Olympic Committees to their athletes - 2 drinks
Broadcaster mentions Tibet - 2 drinks (self-immolation optional)

Close up on a "delegation" of a single athlete (think Seychelles)
- take 3 drinks
Close up on Chinese celebrity that looks -- to you -- like any other Chinese person - 3 drinks
Feature on Tiananmen Square and/or past political unrest in China - 3 drinks
In-Studio "Interview"/Promo with cast-member of The Mummy 3 - 3 drinks
Bob Costas uses some form of the world "inspire" in setting up an athlete feature - 3 drinks
Broadcaster mentions Darfur and/or the Sudan - take 3 drinks, pour 1 for Lost Boys
Mention of Ryan Hall and his chances at a marathon medal - take 3 drinks -- of juice, or tea, or water.

Inevitable mention/close-up/update on Eric "the Eel" Moussambani - drink until he finishes his race.

In-studio segment with Bob Costas learning martial arts moves from Mummy 3 star, Jet Li - 5 drinks

Feature on Carl Lewis - Finish drink
Airing of the inspired Carl Lewis music video - Finish 2 drinks
Feature on 1996 Gymnastics Team Gold Medal - Finish drink
Airing of the related -- and utterly inspired -- SNL Weekend Update Bit - Finish six-pack
Animated on-screen promo for The Mummy 3 featuring a warrior yeti performing Olympic sports - Finish six-pack

Anything involving the Olympic rings and a shirtless Brendan Fraser - Kill self

1 comment:

The Track & Field Superfan said...

Absolutely fantastic.

I've got a little game of my own over at my blog.