Olympics: Only Slightly More Complicated Than Planning a Family Reunion Potluck

Talk about a logistical nightmare. Today's New York Times features an article about the issues raised with rival companies vying for publicity at the Olympics -- some legitimate Olympic sponsors, some not.

Fast fact: the local organizing committee basically needs to snap up ALL the billboards in town to ensure only official sponsors end up using them. Crazy, right? (Note to self: buy properties in Chicago, investigate local zoning laws pertaining to billboards.) Also, as the article points out, if you're an official sponsor like Visa (and I'm assuming you are) you'll want to get some value out of your licensing investment and, thus, you'll need to make sure vendors EVERYWHERE are equipped to handle Visa cards. Afterall, your motto is "Everywhere you want to be" and Beijing, China...? Pretty far down the list, checking in just ahead of Poop Factory, and just behind Moist Hippo Sphincter.

The Olympics, however, IS where everyone wants to be -- even if they were held in said Sphincter -- and so companies are elbowing each other aside like fat people at a Golden Corral. For those of you at the Trials, you saw firsthand how adidas pulled a mini-coup by creating the post-race Place-to-Be at Villard Street Pub (more on that later today), just a short walk from Swoosh-festooned Hayward Field.

Inexplicably, Nike was unable to purchase the Olympics Movement as a whole -- you should have seen their proposed logo of five interlocking swooshes -- and, while Old Lady Victory was busy reaching past its grasp, adidas apparently slipped in to nab apparel-sponsor rights for Beijing 2008. (Nevermind the fact that the USOC is sponsored by Nike and that the US Track team will be competing in ugly Nike uniforms... whole other can of worms...)

So you can bet Nike will be looking for alternative methods for cashing in on the Olympic cow. My suggestion?

Handjobs.

[Ed. Note: Now including link it should have included from the get-go.]