Friday, July 18, 2008

Fearless Predictions: Why So Serious?! Edition

Less Than Our Best is concerned with very little. One of those few interests is rewatching clarkandmicheal.com over and over, and over again. The other is acting like we have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:

Ladies and gents, I know your fearless predictor has not been around the past few weeks. You've probably been confused and upset. You have been going into the past few weekends feeling a little clouded, sad, and less itchy than you did before you met me. I understand and I am sorry. But, to your infinite delight, I am back on the predicting scene and, despite the popcorn farts I have from last night's nerdfest midnight showing of Dark Knight, I'm willing to drop some (future) truth bombs on all y'all.

Gaz de France

1. M1500 -- Let's face it, all American eyes will be on that enigmatic wookie, Alan Webb. It's a solid field.. A quick glance at the start list, though, shows that Webb is the only runner who has ever been under 3:31. In fact, he has an entire half second on the second best PR in the field, Shadrack Korir. You don't have to be a fearless predictor to know who's gonna win this one, eh? Right? Huh? What? When? Screw it. WEBB WINS in 3:32.5!!! They don't call me fearless for nothing. That, and stupid.

2. M400 -- Has there been a more satisfying track rivalry than Merritt and Wariner in recent hisotry? No. The Gay Bolt rivalry (don't laugh at that, child) has the potential, but Wariner and Merritt seem hell bent on on actually growing a pair and racing each other like real men and unlike non-real men. In this meet, the winner is not the largest issue (the only race that matters is the Olympic final, all other races are forgotten after that), the largest issue here is the time. Wariner wants the WR, he needs to go faster than his 43.98 Season best. They both will. Wariner wins in 43.75. Merrit second in 43.85.

3. W1500 -- People don't seem to grasp how out-of-nowhere Shannon Rowbury has come to totally dominate the USA women's 1500 scene. Can you grasp it? It isn't slippery, just try. There, you got it. A year ago, she was a longshot at best to make the Olympic team, now she's a legit contender in a Golden League 1500. Some people think she can break 4:00! Hotchy Motchy! You go girl, and all that. Some might say she hasn't been in enough of these international affairs to know how to race well against such seasoned (and fast) competition. however, those people are probably old curmudgeons, so ther opinion counts only 3/4 of my opinion. She'll break the top 3 and 4 minutes and the hearts of so many guys who have 1500 PRs of 4:00 and slower. Tough luck, slowpokes.

New USATF Regime

1. Doug "Silver Fox" Logan (pictured above) was named the new CEO of USATF. What does this mean for you and me, fans of this oh-so-hateable-but-we-still-love-it sport? Well, he was the leader of the MLS when it started up. This means we can look forward to becoming not only a niche sprt, but a niche sport that all those preppies-who-want-to-seem-European will love. Am I right? I predict USATF will continue to putter along at the status quo until we hire the real man for the job, Toni Reavis.


Jimmie R. Markham said...

Yikes! Webb cuts almost 8 seconds off his season's best time in one race? That's quite an improvement, especially when you consider that he has lost the will to train. Maybe this was part of his strategy for the 2008 season: "I'll drop out of half my races, place 5th in the trials and put up a mediocre season's best, then tell the world I've lost the will to train. If I can manage to do all that, I'll have those guys at the Gaz De France meet right where I want 'em – overconfident and complacent. Then, WHAMO! I'll drop the hammer on 'em."

Your Wariner/Merritt prediction seems right on the mark. The best rivalry in track & field, however, is between Breaux Greer's and Anna Willard's hair-stylists.

Okay, this is funny stuff, guys. I'm hooked. I'm not sure how I've managed to overlook your blog for 10 months, but rest assured that you've secured a spot on my blogroll at 400meteroval.com and you'll have at least one more daily reader from now on.

Jeremy said...

#1 Truth Bomb of the Day -- your comment re: Greer & Willard's stylists.

I, for one, would like to see Greer sport "The Rhianna" in Beijing.