Friday, July 25, 2008

Fearless Predictions: NYC Half Edition


Less Than Our Best is concerned with very little. One of those few interests is pretending to give a shit about the election. The other is acting like I have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Douche for the Decades: John Chaplin


The man to your right is John Chaplin. He's a douche. In this crazy mixed up world where people are willing to throw around the "d" word all too often, this Mr. Chaplin guy has earned it. He has practically defined it. He has made us all think twice the next time we want to call our friend a "douche" for renting "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" and watching it with his girlfriend on Saturday night instead of drinking and lighting fireworks with his "bros". And that is just not right, Mr. Chaplin. Not at all.


“The Olympic trials are not a goddamn all-comers’ meet.”

“Those clowns in the bottom half of the 10,000 have no chance on God’s green earth of making the Olympic team.”

“I have no patience with distance runners any more.”



Me neither, Johnny. I think you successfully used your clearly endearing personality and vocabulary to change my mind. I'm with you, you're not a douche. Distance runners are too squirrely and generally bad smelling for me, anyway.

If only these goddamn people would shut up and stop goddamn bothering you, right? Hell, you had your goddamn buddies "Slim" and "Buckface" from your goddamn coaching days at Washington goddamn State with you in Eugene and that goddamn trip to the goddamn coast afterward didn't just plan itsgodamnself now did it?!

Why would anyone bother you about appealing to get into a heat? It's ludicrosity stacked on top of dumbassery.

To all of you constantly complaining distance runners: please stop your fighting. There is no reason and no chance we are going to expand the field just to suit you. Mr. Chaplin has made this fact crystal clear: Appeals will not be heard, event fields will not expand. So. Shut. Up.

Hehe, see how I told them Mr. Chaplin? Those guys never learn. Why would they possibly think that an appeal might help their case? Why would they try? Stupid goddamn distance runners. Now, excuse me while I read on in the article.

“Appeals are decided on an individual basis,” (Chaplin) says.


Mr. Chaplin?! Johnny? Chap-man! Sup with the whack contradictions, sup?! You really had me flipped for a second there, you old coot. As it turns out, you ARE a douche.

So, you're saying that appeals ARE part of the process of getting into the field, but you don't want to hear them, but they ARE considered on an individual basis. And, as it is revealed in the article, you are not even going to read a perfectly legitimate appeal from a runner (Blake Bolden) who went through all of the proper channels and steps to take a shot at being admitted into the field? It's not like you are the chair of the committee that is supposedly in charge of sticking to these rules.

The laziness, arrogance, and profane amount of old-man-bullshit that that jumps out of this article is a slap in the face to every USA track fan and athlete. John Chaplin feels like he is invincible. Otherwise, he would never say the things he said to a reporter.

Chaplin needs to be removed from his post at USATF. Doug Logan needs to make a statement and hold Chaplin accountable for his comments. A high ranking official in any organization should not get away with calling people in that organization "clowns", or speaking so condescendingly about runners who are following the appeals process that the USATF has explicitly spelled out and then not even reading the appeal that was submitted. Logan would make a lot of people happy if Chaplin was raking long jump pits at the Springfield come-and-run at this time next year instead of back slapping in the lobby of the Eugene Hilton.


I truly hate to be negative and I hate even more that I am about to use a phrase that is obscenely overused in track and field media. I hate hate hate it. But, John Chaplin, from his statements and his history, is the most perfect, most douchetastic, and most cronyistic (Not a word? Should be.) example of...




oh no, here it comes...






I'm gonna do it so get ready...







wait for it...






WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR SPORT!!!!



That is why Mr. John Chaplin has been chosen as the inaugural selection for the Less Than Our Best "A Douche for the Decades" series. So celebrate with us, come on!

Let us know if you have suggestions for future "ADFTD" pieces.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tuesday New and Notes


Weekly look at the best of the internet running minutia...with links!

DN Galan meet is this afternoon. Results are going to be here.

Of Interest is Matthew Tegenkamp and Edward Moran in the 3000. Even more interesting, perhaps, is Tony Famiglietti in the steeplechase. Is the guy better than ever or just not been challenged yet? Is he getting enough pub as a medal contender? IS he a medal contender? Will his "modern hippy" chic style go over well with the fun-loving yet usually clean shaven Swedes? So many questions will be answered by this one race.

Slattery, Rudolph, and Huddle in the women's 5000. The 'B' tier of the US women's 5k pool, if you will. If Women's US distance running was the movie "Mean Girls," this group would probably be the uncool group trying to get back at the Plastics for always being so popular. Which, I suppose, would make Shalane Flanagan and Kara Goucher the plastics. Which doesn't necessarily seem right. Then Jen Rhines would be Lindsey Lohan I guess. Wait, who is Tina Fey in all this? Deena? That works, right? This metaphor has spun wildly out of control.

Also, LTOB favorite, Usain Bolt, is on the line against his countryman and former scaredy-cat Asafa Powell. I think we all know how this one's gonna end up.
*******

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Monday, July 21, 2008

What They Didn't Tell You: We'll Always Have Paris...

What They Didn't Tell You - Paris... and more!

At the Gaz de France in Gay Perry (name that movie, win some props), Alan Webb did not make his scheduled appearance to defend the mile crown from the 2007 edition of this meet. Why, you ask? Well, some people would have you believe he was too busy eating Egg McMuffins and lost track of the time. But actually, they're called Oeuf McCrepes over there.

Also in Paris, Shannon Rowbury barely missed breaking 4:00 in the 1500, and was just tenths away from taking a sizeable scalp in Maryam Yusuf Jamal of Bahrain. While the dual near-misses had to have stung, the PB and strong placing in one of Europe's biggest meets are worth savoring, and later that evening, Rowbury was seen out on the town celebrating.

Jeremy Wariner finally took the measure of Lahawn Merritt in a significant manner, hanging half a second on his rival. But, unfortunately, Wariner's adidas uniform? Still hideous.

It may have been a smaller meet than Gaz de France, but the weekend's other big meet wasn't lacking for excitement with an 8:00 flat steeple, a hot 5k and Webb finally making his appearance, to clock 3:35. What they didn't tell you, though, was that Houston hosts a big-time track meet. Crazy, right?

At that same meet, Jenny Barringer ran a furious final 50 meters to run down Anna Willard for the win, and the right to put her name beside the new American Record of 9:22. Sadly, what they didn't tell you was that the Flotrack cameras packed it in too early -- and this will dismay fans of steepling, message board rivalry-dissection, and women -- and thus, did not capture the exchange that followed, as the bad blood between "Jenny B" and "'Fred' Willard" spilled out and over into the steeple pit, where both wrestled around in sopping wet kits. Humminahumminahummina....

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Fearless Predictions: Why So Serious?! Edition



Less Than Our Best is concerned with very little. One of those few interests is rewatching clarkandmicheal.com over and over, and over again. The other is acting like we have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:

Ladies and gents, I know your fearless predictor has not been around the past few weeks. You've probably been confused and upset. You have been going into the past few weekends feeling a little clouded, sad, and less itchy than you did before you met me. I understand and I am sorry. But, to your infinite delight, I am back on the predicting scene and, despite the popcorn farts I have from last night's nerdfest midnight showing of Dark Knight, I'm willing to drop some (future) truth bombs on all y'all.

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I Can't Believe They Killed Off Alfred!

I kid, I kid. I would never give away a secret plot point of a movie that most of you have probably not seen yet. ...or WOULD I?

Anyway, in case you hadn't heard yet, the USATF finally named a new CEO -- former head of the MLS, Doug Logan. I framed this with a Dark Knight reference because of the obvious questions at hand:

Can Doug Logan be our sport's Batman?

I'm sorry, that was just plain silly. Obviously, the REAL reason for that framing was to lord it over you that LTOB has already seen the hottest movie of the summer, and you haven't.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Photo of the Weekend: Rome Golden Gala

Last year at the Golden Gala we had a guy racing without legs. AND -- in what smacked of a publicity stunt meant to invoke the memories of Rome's gladiatorial past -- a guy getting speared in the side.

This year? Zilch. Zip. Wait, no, more like No zip. Zipless.

This little guy came to the meet expecting something GRAPHIC to happen. Now, he has lost interest and this photo says it all, as you can practically read his sleep-thoughts: Bo-ring.

Tuesday News and Notes


Our weekly look at internet running minutia...with links!

*******
The funloving folks of the Kimbia Madison Olympic Development Track Project Club (I assume that's their offical name) have decided to put on their own little 1500m race in their own little town on their own little track tonight (7/15) at 9pm. Just a few small town boys (including Matt Tegenkamp, Chris Solinsky, John Riley, and Sean Quigley) trying to put on a show for the beer swilling, cheddar sweating, fireworks lighting locals. I like this a lot. A send off, of sorts, to Europe. Plus, the Madisonites will love it. There's nothing midwesterners love more than standing outside together and looking at something on a muggy summer night.

My money is on Solinsky. But, don't worry about his psyche if he loses, he has already seen bitter dissappointment and shame rear its ugly, helmeted head.
*******



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Monday, July 14, 2008

What They Didn't Tell You: European Vacation

You could feel the postpartum depression settling in throughout the American track-web-media-scene this past week. And why not? Look at the etymology: post, Latin, for "after." partum, Greek, for "party." "After-party depression."

So why
shouldn't our venerable domestic websites be a little slow to recover from Eugene and a week of hard-living, hard-partying, and hard-ons? (I'm assuming.) Thus, we shift our gaze to Europe, where the action was... not quite so tepid. And the coverage... adequate. What They Didn't Tell You about this past weekend, after the jump...

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Olympics: Only Slightly More Complicated Than Planning a Family Reunion Potluck

Talk about a logistical nightmare. Today's New York Times features an article about the issues raised with rival companies vying for publicity at the Olympics -- some legitimate Olympic sponsors, some not.

Fast fact: the local organizing committee basically needs to snap up ALL the billboards in town to ensure only official sponsors end up using them. Crazy, right? (Note to self: buy properties in Chicago, investigate local zoning laws pertaining to billboards.) Also, as the article points out, if you're an official sponsor like Visa (and I'm assuming you are) you'll want to get some value out of your licensing investment and, thus, you'll need to make sure vendors EVERYWHERE are equipped to handle Visa cards. Afterall, your motto is "Everywhere you want to be" and Beijing, China...? Pretty far down the list, checking in just ahead of Poop Factory, and just behind Moist Hippo Sphincter.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Letsrun Posters Geek as Facebook Photos Leak


Earlier today a Letsrun.com message board poster going by the gracious alias "at least they can party!" posted links to several facebook pictures that included a number of Olympic Trials participants "beering it up," as I like to say. How dare they!?!?!

It seems that the heavy flow of hot and most definitely sweaty traffic has overloaded the message board, which is a blank screen right now.

Situations such as these create a very interesting conundrum for the media and for fans of the sport. Should these photos be news? Other sports seem to think they are. Is running different? Is there some sort of unique kinship that we share with all other runners, no matter their ability level, that puts us in a different category than football or baseball fans and forces us to think twice about embarassing one of our own by defaming them as they do something we have all done before and will continue to do every time we're at a party where there's beers, buds, and broads (sorry, that's the only word for woman I can think of that starts with 'b'....seriously.)?

I don't want to get into this now. Basically, I just wanted to use that headline. And, hey, three posts today...you're welcome very much.

Ritz, Others Racing in NYC Half


Once again, Dathan Ritzenhein has made a bold promise to compete in a road race. This one: NYC Half on July 27.

All signs point to Ritz at least starting this time as he did start and finish the Olympic Trials 10k less than a week ago. Plus, according to the NYRR release, the race is going to be his "final tune-up" before Beijing. So, the whole "precautionary measure because I felt a twinge in my left/right ______ last week" thing is less likely to hold him back when faced with the alternative of going into China rusty. Although, he went into the marathon trials rusty, so...

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The Year of the Trials


There is a lot of talk these days about the upturn in American distance running. To most fans, the best way to measure whether the talk is valid is to see how the athletes do at the Olympics in August. The results will come in, we'll compare the Beijing results to the Athens, Sydney, Atlanta, and Barcelona results. Hell, we'll even throw in Seoul and L.A. for good measure, but you can forget about Montreal. Irrelevant. Only old people were alive in 1976.

When those inevitable comparisons come to pass, I think we can all agree that this year's distance squad will probably finish higher on average than any since, um, let's say '76, but '68 isn't out of reach either (we do have Lagat now, after all).

Results are results and, sure, it's great when the good old USA does well but, the big step forward this year is not in the runners' performances., it's in the success of the three Olympic Trials. These were events, man. Talk about a turnaround. Each of the three trials, 2 marathons and a track meet, were HUGE events where a LARGE group of people had fun, got enthusiastic, and cared about foot races.


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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

What The Didn't Tell You: Olympic Trials 1

I'll admit: 3000 Miles to the Trials evolved into something rather different than originally imagined. Initially we thought it would be a great way to be the eyes and ears of all you folks stuck back at home who wondered how "crazy" it would be... how "drunk" Ben would get... how "broke" you would end up from buying people rounds of drinks... how many "female professional runners" one could take home from a Eugene bar during those two weeks... how many of those would be "willing" conquests...

The answer to each of those questions, in order: three and a half. But, sadly, you couldn't tell that from the videos, which devolved more or less into Ben prancing and preening in front of the cameras, and yelling at me for "not making him look good enough," once we stopped rolling. So, for the next few days I'm going to try to paint an accurate portrait of what Trials life was really like in and around Eugene. It's What They Didn't Tell You, only it's things I couldn't make up if I tried.

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Sunday, July 6, 2008

Win Prizes at the 3000 Miles Live Blog

Yes, Folks, we're Live Blogging again, only this time we'll be giving away prizes for Best Comment of the session. So head over to tothetrials.com with your "A" game in hand.