Photo of the Weekend: Penn Relays

We recently had a spate of gnarly leg muscle photos, but I have to say, this week's Photo of the Weekend takes the cake, to the point where there was no Runner-Up close to worthy enough to share in its glow. Post-London, Ryan Hall had a cucumber sheathed in his leg. But this young fella here seems to have a cauliflower tucked up in his thigh.

I can't even pretend to know what that muscle does. Maybe it's a goiter or some sort of cancerous lesion.

I mean, that's a real humdinger.

It's got me stumped, personally.

He really should get that examined, or at least looked at by an expert. Someone who will know what to do with it.

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What They Didn't Tell You: Penn... and Beyond

THE WEEKEND for all you relay lovers. You got your Penn, your Drake, your Hillsdale "Gina" Relays. Apparently Oregon is trying to get in on the act, but, as ben said Friday... too far west. Probably were some local high school races running relays as well. No time for all that, now - straight ahead, all the news from this past weekend, including What They Didn't Tell You.

At Penn Relays, Jamaican high school Calabar clocked a 40.74 to win the 4x100, a time which would have put them ahead of all but 12 college teams, as well as tied a relay team of Canadian pros, who competed in the USA v. the World competition. The lesson, as always... Canadians should stick to making bacon.

Hillsdale "Gina" Relays produced a 1500 that was downright "sizzling" with Nate Brannen falling to Boaz "the Lesser" Lalang, 3:37 to 3:38. The lesson, as always... Canadians should stick to making bacon.

Overall, the Hillsdale "Gina" Relays once again showed an ability to put together solid races, even on one of the most stacked weekends of domestic track. However, Drake Relays and Penn Relays will continue to call it the Hillsdale "Vagina" Relays, when they are all in the locker room together after gym class... due to the meet's steadfast refusal to drop that embarrassing, embarrassing syllable from its name.

NEWSFLASH - there is this site called Facebook. Have any of you heard of it? Meantime, have any readers heard of this new thing called the Internet? I hear it's gonna be huge.

Alan Webb, who had pulled out of Drake owing to some ailment or other, played video games all weekend. Just thought you'd like to know.

And finally, also at Penn, Texas swept the Men's Mid-D/Distance Relays, winning the 4x800, 4xMile, and DMR. They are now just 10 relay-sweeps behind Villanova, and the lesson, as always... Canadians should stick to making bacon.

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Fearless Predictions: Relays Edition

We here at Less Than Our Best are concerned with very little. One of those few interests is learning what Zach Galifianakis thinks about physical comedy. The other is acting like we have some expertise in predicting things. Here's a few things that will LITERALLY happen this weekend:

PENN RELAYS

1) Teams like Villanova, Georgetown, Michigan, Arkansas etc. will care way too much about if they win or not. They REALLY love this meet. Like, a lot.

2) Villanova will snag the coveted golden cheese steak (I'm assuming that's what they win) in the DMR and the 4x800, making them the toast of Philadelphia, which is roughly equivalent to being the best dancer at your 50 year old aunt's wedding (Yeah, people are impressed but you aren't getting any action out of it because the only people there are your cousins and old people).

3) Bill Cosby, an annual relays attendee, talks to some kids and it. is. hilarious.

THE DRAKE RELAYS

4) Teams like Northern Iowa and Iowa will care way too much if they win or not. All they get for winning is a sissy-looking pennant that they have to jog around the track with. No golden cheese steak.

5) The relays sell out for the one hundred billionth year. When reached for comment, Drake, Iowa official historian and lifetime resident Earl Foldershoes, 96, had this to say about the popularity of track in the quiet midwestern city: "We like track here almost as much as we like corn and, WWWhhoooo-WWWwweeee do we like corn. Corn on the cob, corn salad, corn meal, corn mush, corn ribs, we like it all. I could go on all day about how..." and that's when I stopped listening and went and got some corn ice cream (a Drake Relays staple!). I had a craving.

6) After news that Alan Webb dropped out of the men's mile, meet directors shame him publicly by forcing him to walk a lap on the track wearing a Nebraska sweatshirt in front of the packed house of rabid Drake fans. Let's just say it turns out ugly, there are some places a corncob should never be forced.

HILLSDALE "GINA" RELAYS

7) The showdown of three fromer world champs/Olympics qualifiers in the 1500 (Nick Willis, Nate Brannen, and the long-forgotten Grant Robison) will be one for the ages! Willis wins in 3:41, looking easy, Brannen close behind in 2nd, also 3:41, and Robison finishes seventh in 3:45. In future retrospect, I suppose that is not quite "one for the ages," rather, "one to be forgotten very quickly and very easily."

8) All kidding aside, they have really turned this "Gina Relays" into a super credible event, especially considering the competition for athletes from Drake and Penn. One day, I hope they decide to provide more than 5 toilets and a few rolls of toilet paper for all of the athletes. A nervous runner's bladder is nothing to underestimate.

SOMETHING OUT WEST?

9) Hahahahahahahahahaha! You hippies are TOO funny. Like we really care about anything that goes on out in la-la land (except Mt. Sac and Stanford meets...And Eugene meets. And the Real World. But other than that? HA!).

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